Going from Captain Jason to Captain Sandy may be a downgrade, but I’m nonetheless excited that Below Deck Mediterranean is back — in the gorgeous Italian Riviera! — for the sole purpose of seeing Tumi (of Below Deck Down Under fame) slay as Chief Stew. Even if that means having to deal with Kyle, a walking disaster who’s back for no reason other than to annoy the hell out of us. As Sandy tells us, our megayacht Mustique is massive, and with that comes a slightly bigger (and therefore more dramatic) crew.
We immediately find out that Tumi and Kyle are delayed due to Visa issues, so we won’t see them until later this season. To solve the issue, Sandy tasks fellow returning character Natalya with temporarily running the interior, which I’m sure will fuel her ego. New to the crew is Jessika, who claims she’s a “strong” second stewardess since she’s a great follower. We also have a temporary stew who will leave when Kyle shows up. Her name’s Brooke and she’s a deckhand with zero experience working in housekeeping. I’m really curious to see how the interior’s dynamic will play out once Tumi and Kyle officially join the team since having multiple power-hungry and opinionated stews seems like a recipe for disaster.
Our bosun is Ruan, a South African who had a rough childhood and describes himself as a “water baby.” His deck team consists of Down Under’s lead deckhand Luka, whose pearl necklace signals he’s in his fuckboy era. Natalya — whose boyfriend wants to be in an open relationship — already has her sights set on him, so it’s only a matter of time until they hook up. There are also two female deckhands, including the experienced South African Lara, who shares that her favorite childhood memory is jumping in cow shit. I hope she breaks the franchise’s curse of the name Lara/Laura being associated with awful people. Lastly, there’s Haleigh, a tomboy who radiates Not Like the Other Girls energy and has exclusively worked on tugboats.
Taking control of the galley is Jack, an English chef whose accent is so thick I’m surprised he hasn’t been subtitled yet. He tells us he begins every job feeling “anxious and on edge” until he gets comfortable, and since this show loves itself an unhinged chef, I wouldn’t be surprised if he ends up being a bit chaotic. With a Captain as critical as Sandy, who already has high expectations after Chef Dave raised the bar last season, Jack certainly has his work cut out for him.
Merely a few hours into the first day, and shit has already hit the fan. In addition to being down two crew members, the arrival of a Maritime and Coastguard Agency officer raises a major red flag about Ruan’s paperwork. Sandy tells us that since Mustique is a commercial boat, an MCA officer has the right to board the boat and ensure it’s operating safely at any given moment. When he meets with Sandy, he points out that one of Ruan’s certificates isn’t validated and that an original copy needs to be provided. Ruan claims he can’t since his original paperwork is kept in a safe at a friend’s house in South Africa, and he never brings them with him on a job, which seems like a stupid thing to do. It’s sort of like going to the airport and giving TSA a photocopy of your passport and being like, “Trust me, bro, it’s real.” The officer gives them five days to get it sorted, but my gut tells me Ruan won’t meet the deadline.
Before a team meeting in which Sandy tells everyone not to do something that’ll wipe the smile off her face, she meets with the deck crew to check their distance calling. This is when she grows more concerned with Ruan. When she asks how far they are from a barge, Ruan says 50 meters even though they’re actually 100 meters away. I may still not know much about yachting, but I do know that accurate distance calling is one of the most crucial things the deck team should know. How has he worked three years as a bosun without fucking that up?
As if Ruan’s day couldn’t get any worse, he gets a call in the evening informing him that his best friend passed away. He cries on deck and tells us that the friend was the closest thing he had to family. It’s a heartbreaking moment, and I’m glad he at least had Luka there to comfort him. I really didn’t expect the season to get dark so quickly.
Our first primary is Kian Karimi, Captain Sandy’s friend and doctor who’s having a boys’ trip to celebrate his 40th birthday that happened during the pandemic. After a tour of the boat, he and his friends visit the galley to tell Jack that they’ve eaten at restaurants with a collective 20 Michelin stars during their time in Italy and, therefore have high standards. If Jack wasn’t already feeling the pressure, he certainly is now! It doesn’t help that Sandy will be at dinner, and we all know how critical she can be.
The Ruan situation escalates into shadier territory when Sandy gets a call from the port authority informing her that Ruan’s Yachtmaster has another man’s photo on it, which makes my jaw drop. Is this man a fraud? How has he gone this long without anyone noticing?? When she asks Ruan what school issued the document to him, he’s like, “Um … What do you mean?” and tells her that he got it on a boat in Monaco. Sandy sees through his bullshit and tells him it’s impossible since you can’t get a license on a random boat in Monaco and need to take classes for it, which leaves him struggling to respond as if he were a child in the principal’s office.
Ruan ultimately has to temporarily leave the boat until his information is verified because if he doesn’t the boat could get detained and our season is cut short. Sandy has little faith that Ruan will actually be able to provide the correct documents, and she’s quickly proven right. Later in the evening, he calls to confirm her suspicions, telling her he’s decided not to return since he doesn’t think he can get the paperwork sorted out in time. I wonder if he only made this decision to hide the fact that his Yachtmaster is forged or if he’s really telling the truth. Also, is this some kind of Below Deck record in terms of a crew member leaving? While she’s stuck scrambling to find a replacement, Sandy makes Luka interim bosun, which he’s extremely stressed about since he’s never managed a team before. At least he can accurately call distances!
After having to delay the boat’s departure due to the Ruan debacle, Sandy says that the guests need to be distracted with booze, food, and a good time. And that’s exactly what they do. After an Italian lunch that left good first impressions, Jack wows the guests and Sandy with a birthday dinner of seared yellowfin tuna, wagyu tomahawk steak with lobster, and a decadent chocolate cake. Afterward, Jack tells us he’s impressed by Natalya and thinks they work well together under pressure in the galley. Babe, you’re barely only one charter into the season, so don’t jump the gun.
Meanwhile, in the interior, Jessika gets frustrated by Brooke since she’s highly inexperienced and doesn’t know how to do simple things, like folding socks. After spending the day complaining about having to help “guide” her, Jessika tells Natalya she should leave Brooke a to-do list for the next day. Natalya says it’s a bad idea since it’ll overwhelm her, which Jessika argues isn’t fair since they all get the same tip and equally need to “break a sweat.” Like Natalya says in her confessional, it’s Brooke’s first day ever as a stew, so “chill the fuck out.” Jessika seems like trouble, and I fear for Tumi, who will soon be the one having to deal with her.
The episode concludes with Captain Sandy finding out that the earliest a new bosun can come aboard is in two weeks, which is the worst-case scenario. Especially since Luka feels out of his depth with being temporarily placed in the role. Who will end up replacing Ruan? Will it be a newbie? Will another past cast member return? Or will Luka be forced to suck it up and keep his team afloat? The possibilities are endless!
