the algorithm

In Defense of Lydia’s Instagram Behavior

Photo: Netflix

I can’t defend a lot about season five of Love Is Blind. Seven episodes in, only two out of the five main couples from the pods are still engaged, which is no indication that either of them will actually say “I do” at the altar. I also can’t say, aside from the Lydia-Aaliyah-Uche plot twist, that much of what’s aired has been particularly interesting — the main story line for Taylor and JP is that they don’t talk. But there’s one thing I will defend, other than the seven hours I’ve spent watching this show, and that’s a woman’s God-given right to conduct reconnaissance on her partner via a rando’s Instagram Story.

The most dramatic moment this season comes at the end of episode three, when Uche reveals to Aaliyah that he previously dated her pod-BFF, Lydia. Lydia, finally freed from her secret, proceeds to be nothing short of bizarre about it to Aaliyah, prompting her to leave the experiment while Lydia gets engaged to her new beau, a six-seven 24-year-old named Milton. But when Uche and Aaliyah meet up at a restaurant post-pods to see each other for the first time in episode seven, he shares a bit more about how his previous relationship with Lydia came to an end. The main thing he cites is that she had been watching the Instagram Stories of other women he followed during their tumultuous fling. As a woman who has dated in an Instagram world, checking out the profiles of women your significant other follows is a perfectly legal — I checked — way of learning more about the person you’re seeing or, as is more often the case, a good way to kill time when you’re feeling insecure. It’s ill-advised, maybe, but it’s very normal, despite the women (traitors) who Uche says texted to let him know. Oh, I’m sorry, did a member of the public view your public Instagram Story? How shocking!

Lydia’s only crime, in this instance, was getting caught. For someone who also reportedly took a picture of Uche’s house and sent it to him with the text “I see you,” her Instagram snooping is surprisingly amateur. Lydia, do you not know about websites like this that let you view an Instagram Story anonymously? Or simply make yourself a burner account just for being unhinged online. Meanwhile, Uche’s crime was literally sleeping with another woman, something that Lydia apparently found out from looking in his drawers and that is a very valid reason for wanting to keep tabs on the women he’s following. “Do you forget how things were going?” she asks when confronted about this behavior in a tearful back-and-forth that Milton’s forced to watch through a window. “Do you want to tell me about the sexting?”

She explains away the Instagram Stories by saying she doesn’t know how the algorithm works. No lies detected! Uche deflecting his genuine betrayal by nitpicking smaller, more questionable ones in his partner is some real toxic-male behavior, about as bad as JP saying he lost interest in Taylor because she wore makeup. Don’t get me wrong: So far, Lydia has exhibited plenty of behavior that’s unsettling. Insisting Milton match his shorts to her bathing suit was weird, and I remain unconvinced she had no idea Uche was going to be on the show. But Instagram snooping does not fall on that list. Luckily, Milton’s most recent post is of Pokémon cards, so Lydia can rest easy: If any illicit affairs are going down in her newest relationship, they’re certainly not happening on Instagram.

In Defense of Lydia’s Instagram Behavior